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Saturday, July 12th, 2003
12:04 pm
well well well. looks like i might just be using this ye old journal for a while.

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Tuesday, December 5th, 2000
8:02 am
i feel weird today.
very peculiar.
yesterday i had a debate with this stupid guy on the net.
on life.
and the world.
and he was a typical, cynical, hypocritical asshole.
went for two hours on irc.
till HE left.
grrrrr ;p
made me feel like shit.
struck down all my feelings.
my life, my being.
and stereotyped me many a time.
i hate him.
i hate them all.
why do people impact me so?

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Monday, December 4th, 2000
8:32 am
i dont want to lose this one.

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Sunday, December 3rd, 2000
8:31 pm
i need to change my journal, somebody found it.

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1:09 am
oh yay, i have to wake up at 5am tomorrow so that i can go to another city with my stupid school to go to a themepark.
there better be coffee left.

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Saturday, December 2nd, 2000
6:36 pm
i am really, REALLY bored.........

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8:49 am
stupid life.

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12:23 am
the destruction will continue to escalate till they are knocked down, knocked to there senses.
sweet dreams.

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Friday, December 1st, 2000
10:48 pm
shit.
i hate life.
i have nothing.

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10:43 pm
whats with the intrests being cut off?? :p

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8:04 am
well, ive decided to become a better person to MYSELF.
(keep you updated....... i have ideas....... any body got any?)

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Thursday, November 30th, 2000
7:43 am
i hate life.
and i hate how stupid i am.

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Wednesday, November 29th, 2000
8:52 pm
i will now go make antischool slogans on the shirt i am wearing tomorrow....

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6:50 pm
WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO FUCKING HORRIBLE TO ME??!!
I FUCKING HATE LIFE!!

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6:38 pm
ive decided to put 4 of my earlier writings on here, in a format that people are more likely to read.


Self-hatred is a byproduct of the base knowledge that we are a part of the human race.
Only those who have delved into the depths of personal anarchy can possibly appreciate this.
So is it a part of this parasite species to ignore the inevitable and distract themselves with worthless feeble desires and hopes that reclaiming any personal and worthwhile ideals was lost from the beginning of procreation.
A society led by streams of conformist manipulators who had been in turn transformed from conception into what they are today.
Every generation becomes what the former was with little to differentiate except cosmetic changes, a weak attempt to disguise people's fears of the truth.
A truth that is unobtainable until things change and people stop hiding in their pathetic, self serving, blind little words.
In hindsight ignorance is bliss, intelligence misinterpreted as somebody compliant to society's biddings.
Intelligence is those smart enough to deny the existence presented to them and think for themselves.
Deny society's clones who lie to themselves even more than they lie to others.
All evolution has achieved is to create a powerful species of worker ants sadistically smart enough to destroy their surroundings and pretend to be ignorant enough not to acknowledge this.
Compounded by synthetic surroundings of no means except for nonsensical wasted 'comforts' that are society's distractions from the bleak reality that they are too lazy to face, but also a reminder to those out of the loop of our pathetic existence.





The world is an interlinking of passages so condensed and complicated its beauty is only in the eyes of the dead.
Zoom in to corruption and decay of each singular vessel and apparent is the constant influx of lies to deny the singular forms a true being.
Lies have become such a huge commodity to those beings that it is extended far beyond personal gain and programmed into the mind to serve the purpose of evil in existence.
So spoilt and fake are the ideals pumped into minds that all it takes is for one to think and not follow to realize the insanity.
But the misplacement of the truth has left those beings, who deny those lies, defenseless and therefor 'crazy' to those around them and themselves.
Such a stench is the rotten carcass of humanity that those can not be affected from inhaling the rancid fumes. It is impossible for one not to feel the parasite control them and therefor feel caught, alone, subjected to such a strong power that they cannot feel themselves and fight to find it.
Half-stuck under a rock, frustrated and denied of solidarity.
Although not a purpose one would wholly want to serve but the only choice if not to conform, which is too lose oneself in a puddle of water and drown.
The ones on the edge of that puddle are the ones who spent their entire lives dragging themselves there through the masses if insignificant malignant molecules only to find there is nowhere else to go.






There is nowhere else to go.
Weakened by the parasite trying to take over us that those already gone strike us and succeed in knocking us down.
What else is there to do than to simply lay there and wait for the end.
Clinging on for thoughts of a better future, feeble desires perhaps infused by their lies.
But if it is a part of us, how do we know what is real??
Nothing is real, we are our own reality, kill you and I kill your world, kill myself and I kill my own.
Wasted time, wasted life.
All meaningless extras in a play that is mass destruction.
We don't know anything, they know even less.
Look forward in meters yet it goes to infinity, or where?
A circuit originating at its end, yet that posses a larger infinity of worthlessness than all.
Zoom back in and where are you?
Are you alone?
We are all alone.
The truth is all you have is yourself, and you don't even have that to trust.
Beat yourself to a pulp, and laugh, because it is all as fake as existence.
The only reality you can count on is death; still we don't know what that is.
We are vessels, we are on loan, it is on loan, I am a mind of no substance, but my nonexistent mind is more there than all of yours.
I know even my thoughts which set me apart are not real.
I know that there is either nothing, or that we are a port of evil for whatever this masterplan happens to be.
We are sadists.
We are self-destructive.
This world will end in our hands because we are the darkness and we are easily manipulated.
I don't want to be part of your malignant species, but I am, so I will be trapped by your pawns till your loopholes set me free.
Till then, I am waiting, I am laughing at you, I am crying for the world, and planning revenge or nothing.
Just know that I know what you all are, and while you can try to fool me, I will never conform.





The way that we are all controlled is simply just another reason to lead one to believe that we are the most imbecilic creatures in existence and most likely the history of the universe. Whoever/Whatever created us must be kicking themselves right now, unless we really are designed to kill the earth, and it did just end up that way. All are minds are manipulated in such a way that we will believe whatever the next person says is right. Humans are a disease, a parasite and should be eradicated before the destruction escalates even more. It is hard to have sympathy for this race, but it is not wholly each individuals fault that their lives are a waste except to reinforce the insanity.

Perhaps in the beginning of mankind the stupidity of our ancestors were a test run, and the creator who was impatient, gave us the capacity for intelligence then went away for his cup-of-tea break, relying on the fact that its new breed would look after shop while it was gone. What it didn't rely on was the fact that its new creations were flawed. Insecure, dependant, overbearing and damn know-it-alls who were happy to use their minds simply to the satisfaction of other know-it-alls and show off their power by uprooting the earth plus destroying the fauna to again impress all the other know-it-alls. Of course, this soon became the only acceptable way in which to conduct oneself. And, of course, the know-it-alls continued to outdo each other in destruction till it was no longer seen as destruction, but improvements*. And the forgot why it all started in the first place and decided that they were the rulers of the earth and that it was created for their purpose (a 'purpose' that was 'forgotten' with time.)

The creator, (who for names sake, lets call 'jack') glanced at his** watch as he was wondering how his tea had gotten cold and realized hundreds of thousands of years had elapsed, not just a millennium as he had planned. But 'jack' soon realized he should plan things better when he returned to his experiment/ life's work/ dream and discovered it had been destroyed and covered in ghastly new upholstery. So distraught was he at the irremediable damage and blandness plus blatant irresponsibility of his own last creation 'jack' picked up a rather large, protruding metal object (that had inexplicably made its way up from the ground) and plunged it into his own broken heart***. Of course, nobody could see this, as he was on a level that can not be seen by life forms, but they could not explain the sudden disappearance of the phone tower in the worlds largest, overrun, human infested and manipulated geographical areas.

NOW, IT IS A PLEA APON THE CREATOR OF THIS PLANET, COME BACK TO YOUR REALM!! (As it is only a matter of will power for those who can not die or procreate to remove a large jutting object from their 'hearts' and wanting the pity for the wretched.) AND DO SOME SPRING CLEANING BEFORE THE PARASITES LIFE WORK IS COMPLETE.



*Improvement was only a word introduced by humanity as prior to them all life forms were contented to go with the flow.



** The ultimate being in this particular story has not nearly the same anatomy, (in fact, we look quite ridiculous to it), but a 'him' was used as to not confuse your frail minds.



*** Again, the ultimate being has no organs and for the sake of your elastic minds that have never been stretched, something familiar was incorporated for you.

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5:17 pm
woohoo!!!
my Prometheus rising book came in today!!!
:D :D

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7:55 am
ooh great, i am trembling.
:p
stupid morning

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Tuesday, November 28th, 2000
9:02 pm
gone.
ha.
dead.
away.
leave me be.
im sorry.
i shouldn't take my anger out on you.
i dont know you.
but i would very much like to kill everyone who has made my life hell.
FUCK YOU.
not you.
them.
as long as you havent hurt me.
but a big fuck you for all those out there who are making others lives hell.

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5:38 pm
stupid hotmail isnt working.
what a piece of shit.

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8:12 am
i do not approve of the turns my life are taking.
it is more and more being flushed down the toilet.
cut into little pieces and flushed.
cut, flush.
cut, flush.
haha.
i have nothing left.
the meagerness, yes there is some.
but is it worth it?

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